. This is an article I am sharing By Leah Davies, M.Ed.
Active listening focuses attention on the speaker and includes listening and restating what was heard. This form of lisening helps students feel valued and connected to the adults in their school and enhances mutual understanding. Studies demonstrate that when children sense that they are an accepted part of a school community, they are more motivated to learn. Active listening can be used in short encounters to defuse a situation. For example, if a child says,”I hate Justin…” the teacher might respond, “You're really angry.” The child may say, “Yes, I am. He hit me for no reason!” Then the teacher might state, “Would you like to write down what happened?” or “Would you like to tell Justin how you feel?” The teacher could then encourage the student to use the “When you ______, I feel__________, because _________” statement. For example, the child could say, “When you hit me, I felt sad and angry, because I don't treat you that way.” The child may answer, “I'm okay,” or “I'll talk to Justin.” Most children do not like to write down the details of what happened, but it can be offered as an option. Since the child's feeling was acknowledged, he or she would probably be less resentful. If the teacher had said, “You're okay. Get your book out,” or “You shouldn't be angry,” the student might have absorbed the anger and then later expressed it inappropriately. Helping students express their negative emotions without fear of being judged or punished can have a positive impact on their actions. When educators participate in active listening, they set aside their prejudices and opinions. They do not disagree, pry, warn, lecture, evaluate, diagnose, or demand. The following words inhibit communication and decrease the chance that the child will deal with his or her own difficulty in a constructive way: “You should know better...” “You think you have it bad...” “Your problem is...” “You had better...” “Here is where you are wrong...” “Who? What? When? Why?” (Asking too many questions can put the child on the defensive.) Since identifying feelings is a fundamental part of active listening, completing the following activity may be helpful. Read each child's comment separately, listening carefully for the underlying feelings; discard the content and write only the feelings being expressed. For example, if a child could be feeling frustrated, angry or inadequate if he says, “I hate school!” Write the feeling word or words that you detect in the following statements. 1. My mom's in jail. 2. He tripped me on purpose! 3. I spilled my juice and everyone laughed. 4. My mom had a baby and she doesn't play with me any more. 5. I got an A+ on the test! 6. My grandma died. 7. I had a bad dream and I couldn't go back to sleep. 8. I get to go to the beach! 9. Nobody likes me. 10. She made fun of me. 11. I can't do this work. 12. My dad moved out. For example, a teacher could respond to the last comment with something like, “You seem very sad.” The student might answer, “My dad may never come back!” The teacher could say, “You're really worried about not seeing your dad again,” and the student might reply, “I'm really going to miss him.” At this point, if the teacher needed to attend to other students, she might express sympathy by saying, “I'm sorry.” In this short interaction the child would feel understood and valued. In-depth active listening requires effort, yet the time spent with a troubled student will often have beneficial results. The following are the steps you can use: 1. Locate a private place to meet away from other students, noise, and interruptions. Sit facing the student, make eye contact, be silent and listen. 2. Show interest by giving your undivided attention to the child. 3. Be open, accepting, respectful and nonjudgmental no matter what is being expressed. You are not agreeing with the child, only reflecting what you hear to help further the student's self-understanding. 4. Watch for non-verbal clues and listen for underlying feelings, as well as for information. 5. Make sure your facial expression and body language match what the student is saying. Uncross your arms and legs and relax. If a child says, “My grandpa's in the hospital,” look sad, lean forward, put yourself in the child's place and try to understand his or her perspective. 6. Restate what you think the child said in your own words. 7. You could say something like, “You feel (state the feeling) because (state the content).” However, be careful not to overuse this sentence structure. 8. Avoid long comments; short, simple ones are more effective. 9. Continue to listen and repeat feelings and content heard. 10. Use an occasional nod of encouragement and say “uh-huh” now and then to demonstrate that you hear the student. 11. Ask clarification questions when necessary, such as “Could you tell me more?” 12. Try to avoid misinterpreting what the student says. 13. Help the child feel free to correct any of your misunderstandings by saying something like: “Let me see if I've heard you correctly....” Then after reiterating ask, “Is that right?” 14. Keep the focus on the child and his or her main concern. 15. Summarize by bringing together main thoughts, facts and feelings. 16. Ask the student what he or she will do next. (Also see Enhancing Children's Emotional Development and Effective Communication) Active listening takes thought, practice and a desire to put the student's feelings and concerns above your own. Educators use this method to help children cope with their problems. Active listening is also used to neutralize negative emotions and to enhance the adult-child relationship. A former student wrote: “After my mom died, my teacher knew what happened, but when I tried to tell her about it, she walked away. Maybe I would not have felt so alone and maybe my grades would not have fallen if she had listened and acknowledged my sadness.” Apparently, using active listening can make a meaningful difference in a student's life.
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May is here and time for our monthly feature with Monica mother of two and mom blogger. the bad mom club is the name of her blog if you get a change stop by for a visit. My favorite part of her blog was the photography article. Now lets find out about Monica.
1. What is your family fun thing does your family enjoy? Living in Florida we enjoy going to the theme parks and the beach. When we don't have time to make the drive out there we like to swim in the pool or go to a park nearby. We also read a lot. So we make frequent trips to the library. I think it's really important to show them a love for reading early on. And of course, we love watching movies together. Especially Disney movies. :) 2.Do you have a favorite recipe that your children like? Sometimes it's hard to find something my picky 6-year-old will like. One dish that I like to make and that is super tasty and full of veggies is my chicken stir fry. I usually buy a bottle of teriyaki sauce and pour that onto sauteed veggies like zucchini, broccoli, and green beans. Along with diced chicken breast. And serve it with a side of white or brown rice. 3.What is your biggest challenge as a parent? Finding the time to get everything done. Right now I have a full-time job and I manage two businesses. I want to spend time with them but then I also have to make sure we have money coming in for the bills. I try to make the time I can spend freely with them quality time. I've been getting better at juggling everything that needs to get done. My most important advice is to not let what needs to get done stress you out. Why worry constantly about the dishes or the laundry while you're out running errands or grocery shopping? It will get done eventually, it's better to just let that stress go and enjoy your day. 4.,Do you believe in being a stay at home mom or being a Career Mom? I believe in both. Every family is different, every person has different beliefs about how they should raise their children and manage their family. They both have their own sets of challenges and I have experienced both first hand. When I was a stay at home mom I had a bit more time for myself but I had to really budget with being on one income. Now that I'm a working Mom I don't have a lot of time to do everything at home but I have some extra income and I have been able to pay off debt and save. Now that my blog is taking off and starting to make an income I am hoping that in the near future my blog will be my career and I can be a work at home mom. I think that would be the best of both worlds. 5.Do you still have time for yourself? Not really, but I make time. No, I don't go to any fancy massage place, or get my hair and nails done (although I really would like to). I just make a little extra time for me to put my makeup, fix my hair nice, put a face mask treatment on, go to the gym, or take a bath. Some days I feel defeated and don't make the time. But since my main job as a mom is to take care of my kids, I have to take care of myself first. When you feel good, and feel good about yourself, it radiates out to others. And that inner happiness is what is important to share with your children. After all, they will follow your example. |
AuthorHi, I'm Marcie Kenny, the women behind this blog. I am not a mother, but I am number seven in a family of nine. I worked in childcare for many years before retiring; now I enjoy blogging about all that I have learned along the way. Archives
October 2020
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